Beijing Huan Ying Ni! The Engrish Edition!

Today me and Noora went down to three markets in Beijing: Pearl Market, the popular Silk Market and some market that I don't remmeber the name of right now.

After waking up at some ungodly hour (8am?) I munched on toast and peanut butter. Yes! Peanut Butter! It was almost the highlight of the entire day!

One of the executives drove us downtown early in the morning so that we could spend the whole day shopping. One thing I noticed as we drove, was the nature of horn honking here. In Canada, honking your horn is usually a quick and easy way to say "FUCK YOU!" without actually saying it. Honking your horn here is usually a way of saying "Excuse me sir, but I am about to drive into on coming traffic, pardon me"
or, just as popular, "Watch out sir, we are about to collide into one another at break neck speeds". Driving today was just as dangerous as yesterday, except this time I was awarded the luxury of a seatbelt. Hoorah!

We first went to the Pearl Market. The least busiest of the three that spezializes in, you guessed it, Pearls! As well as cheap ass rip offs of stuff.



Where do you guys think I went right away? THE TOYS!!!!



Look everyone! It's the super popular Pokemon Arcoiris and...I seriously can't even read that one, Nanajba? Nabanja? Yeah, Pokemon Nabanja.



Here is the back to the ever popular "Pokemon Pokemon R Fire Red"
It Reads: FROM NOW ON, YOURSELF ADVENTURE TRIP STARTS. GO TO MOUNTAINS, CAVES AND VILALGES; TALK TO PEOPLE; LOOK FOR ITEMS, COLLECT INFORMATION! ALSO, HELP PEOPLE IN TROUBLE. BE CAREFUL ON THE WAY TO EXPLORE THIS UNKNOWN WORLD. KEEP ON FIGHTING AGAINST THE WILD CREATURES, AND BEAT THEM! EXPRIENCE ALL DANGERS, LEARN FROM PEOPLE, KEEP ON GROWING UP. YOUR GOAL IS TO BE A FIRST CLASS BAG - TYPEOPEMON TRAINER!

I want to be a first class bag!

My other fave: POKEMON CHAOS BLACK!



Pokemon chaos black will take you on a journeythrough teh land of hoenn. yoyr quest is to become the ultimate pokemon master through collecting, battling and trading. Pokemon black offers incrediblc new graphics, varied gameplay and more than 100 new characters.

I love varied gameplay!



A bunch of crazy dino heads




A WHOLE WALL OF FAKE TRANSFORMERS! Offscreen they had all of the constructicons for....15 DOLLARS! ARRRGHHHHHH! It wouldn't have fit in my bag! I mourn at my own loss!
MOURN!
I would have always known it was fake though, maybe thats for the best.

Ah well moving on,



Rip off bearbricks! Yaaay! That china flag one is pretty sweet, I kind of regret not getting it. I don't regret passing this thing up:



bleh! I guess it's Mario? It's scary is what it is. AND LOOK AT THAT FREAKY MASKED THING BESIDE HIM! Those masks are very popular here and obviously hold some cultural signifigance, but that doesn't mean they're not creepy.



A kitty bag, for kitties I assume



Love to madness, LOVEHOSE! (That little heart in the corner is saying HiHO!)
Piease always remamber that I love you mare than anylhihg elsc in thc warld

I would have totally bought this if it didn't say "Lovehose" on it.

Noora wanted to go bag shopping while we were there. The people there are ANIMALS! Really, literally. While one stall would tend to us, the rest would wait around like wolves, stalking their prey. Two women literally PULLED me into their bag shops while I was screaming, "NO I DON'T EVEN LIKE BAGS! REALLY! I'M WEARING A FANNY PACK FOR GOD'S SAKE! I HATE PURSES!" it was actually frightening.

I ended up leaving with a small present for Jennie, which I can't talk about, and a pretty silk dress for myself.



Afterwards we stopped to eat at this dumpling shop. 10 pork dumplings for 10 yuan! Thats roughly 1.50!



Yum



This is the street we were on



ART



MORE ART!



This was a statue we ate our dumpling by. What is it? A panda? A cow? A bull?
*shrugs* You can also the the lady staring at us crazy foreigners

Next was the tourist popular Silk Market



This might give you an idea of what it's like in comparison to the Pearl Market, no wonder those ladies wanted me to buy bags so badly.
Oh yeah! Forgot to mention, thats what they call you here: Lay Dee
"Hello Lay Dee! Beautiful bag, Prada, Gucci?"
"Hello Lay Dee! Buy a shirt? A shirt for your boyfriend?"
"Hello Lay Dee! You are vary beautiful, yes beautiful Lay Dee!"
or "Where you from? Canada? Canada are friends yes!"
My faveorite one of the day was "How old are you, fourteen?"
*sigh* At least I know that when I fail at my career the lolita porn market will always be avaliable.

Noora went to find some bags while I stopped by a supermarket in the basement.



Doesn't he look just SLIGHTLY asian?
Snap, crackle and pop look like that too...
I don't even know why they sell cereal here. I can barely find milk.
I wonder what they have it with...Maybe I'm just not looking for milk in the right places.



I really regret not buying whatever this is

Finally me and Noora ventured to the last market, a clothes market that I can't recall the name of



This one was less busy than the Silk Market, but had more white people than the Pearl Market



A view of the street

Like always, I ventured off to find the crappiest things I could



Pinko!
I wanted to buy for Jennifer SO BADLY! But when would you ever wear it Asian? It's so ugly.



Tokyo Burger! Tokyo Finesy!



Absolutely no fire allowed



I don't even know what this one says



Crazy Guitar!

I ended up buying a silk bathrobe for myself, so that I don't have to walk around my apartment in Japan naked.

After a grueling day, we got our driver to stop off at this place:



I needed to go here.
Don't get me wrong, I hate the westernization of other countries as much as anyone else, but there's something about foreign interpretation of western ideals (see: capitalism) that gets my blood rushing.

For example: Noora explained to me that at KFC here, there is no chicken (qua?) but that they do serve Congee (kind of like a rice soup)I dont even LIKE KFC!

....But do you have ANY idea how exciting that is? My whole life is based around accumulating as many shitty fake western cultural artifacts as possible (Indiana Jones M&M bags, Star Wars spoons, Cereal Box gifts, etc). We are the culture without culture! And what a better way to experience it than watch a country with culture interpret it! I don't know if any of that makes sense, but I think it has something to do with growing up when I did.

I read that on my boat (from Shanghai to Osaka) they have a western menu, serving:
Deep fried Pork Cutlet
Bean Curd
Meat Sauce

I am so....effing....excited

I ended up getting: A Taro Pie (WOW!) and a cucumber quarter pounder (ALSO WOW!) they have a coconut and pineapple pie as well (WILL BE BACK!)




Me having a very exciting time with my pie

Noora with Chicken McNuggets, WATCH AND FIND OUT WHATS SPECIAL ABOUT IT!



We got home and ended the day by comparing our spoils



It was too late to play with babies ;_;
So Sunday is baby day!!!
Then Monday is the great wall!
Tuesday Noora leaves for Bali
and I....well, I guess I'm going south?

*shrugs*

p.s.

The names of the mascots are
Beibei Jingjing Huanhuan Yingying and Nini
when put together
Beijing Huan Ying Ni!
Weclome to Beijing!
or more literally
Beijing Welcomes You!

Nini, Yingying...one of them is a Panda...

Ni hao!

Today me and Noora set out for downtown Beijing, but first we were told we had to do preschool with the kids. One of the supervisors told us it was no big deal, no need to teach them since it was a friday, just let them play. The only problem was there was 8 kids, and two of us. Do the math and thats four kids a person.

There were six boys and two girls. The second the nannies left the girls proceeded to BAWL their eyes out, and the boys made use of the time by hitting each other and throwing things. Awesome. Preschool was only 45 minutes and it was pretty fun...and messy. To keep them from smacking each other we let the boys play with the chalk, needless to say, everything got drawn on. One kid had a 2l Sprite bottle and proceeded to collect as much chalk as he could and shove it into the bottle. Weirdo. I finally managed to keep one of the girls from crying by blowing bubbles in her direction. She got a kick out of popping with her hands...until some other kid got jealous and smacked her in the face for stealing his bubbles. She started to cry and I scooped her up. She nuzzled into my neck making little owl noises until she decided that it wasn't all the bad and went back to play with the bubbles. Meanwhile, the other 5 boys decided that pouring out the bubble mix was way more fun than blowing bubbles. Once they all left we had to spend just as much time cleaning as we did playing.

After that the driver picked us up and we were off to downtown Beijing!

I nearly pissed my pants about 80 times on the way as we swerved in and out of oncoming traffic, without seatbelts. We arrived alive and made our way through the forbidden city. Even though there were a handful of western tourists, the majority of the locals had a field day staring at us.



I have about a jillion photos that look just like this. See the smog? Blech!



I took a picture of this dude because he looked cool.



It's me! Trying not to fall into the river.



Forbidden City




A badass tree




Some locals, chillin



A turtle with a dragon head
Yup


We exited the Forbidden City and I could see Tianamen square across the street. Most streets are so busy in Beijing that you cant physically walk across them. Instead you find these creepy underground pathways that are cramped and dark.



Here is a amazingly interesting video of everything I just described A small dark space underground used for walking. Oh also, the dude in front of me was a soldier, THEY ARE EVERYWHERE! UNDER UMBRELLAS, IN GLASS CUBES! DRESSING THE SAME AND WALKING IN LINE! Awesome.


To be honest, Tianamen was pretty uneventful. I don't exactly know what I was expecting, other than a giant ass square. I think the fact that it was 80 billion degrees and smoggy as all hell didn't help.

We tried to enter the hall where Chairman Mao lays in carbonite, but it had already closed. Damn.

I also got to try out my phenomenol Pimsleur Chinese on some of the locals as we looked for the KFC where our driver was meeting us. I managed to say to them (in Mandarin) Excuse me, may I ask you, where is the kentucky fried chicken located?
Also awesome.

After locating KFC, and our driver, we ventured over to a place one of our supervisors said was an awesome marketplace.A Except that it wasnt a marketplace. Instead, we walked around a stretch of street with shops specifically catering to rich western tourists. We ran by Cartier and Chanel and managed to find a weird little backalley selling all types of wonderfully terrible things!



First we saw a ton of food vendors. I SAW A CORN ON THE COB STAND!
That woman was right, I wrote it terribly.



This dude was selling scorpions and seahorsies on sticks. I bet people don't even eat these and it's just western people like me to take pictures of and go "ZOMGZ LOOK AT THIS! CHINA EATS SEAHORSIES!" A woman here speculates that only men eat them to make themselves more manly *shrugs*



These were all glazed fruit sticks. The strawberrys in the front are courtesy of a young street vendor who demanded to see the photo and then gave me thumbs up.




After the food was a marketplace. I bargained for a Mao watch, each second that passes Mao waves his hand. The woman wanted 200 for it, but I talked her down to 55 (9 bucks). I know that sounds good, but I feel like I could have gotten it for less.

The bartering here is hilarious. You walk up and appear mildly interested in a product. They show you the outlandish price. You shake your head and demand less. They smile and say "Only for you good friend, a deal" and knock down the price by 10 rmb. You demand your price and they are shocked that you would ask for that much. Don't you know they're selling high quality goods? After much dileberating you walk away and then they RUN after you saying YES YES 20 RMB YES YES! then give you what you want.

The woman was trying to convince me to buy two watches.
You never know when you'll need another.



These are what the stalls looked like.

At the end we ran into this:



It's a Taito Arcade!
Taito is a smaller video game company (not like Nintendo or Sony) who got bought out by mega JRPG people Squeenix. Best known for Bubble Bobble



Here's the one photo I got before the man with the giant orange card told me not to take anymore pictures. He couldn't stop me from videotaping this dude though.



I know the video looks kind of normal. Just some dude playing DDR. Except that he's not playing! HE'S DANCING TO NOTHING!
NOTHING!
weirdo.

After that I went to the OFFICIAL OLYMPIC STORE. Except that it isn't, because I've seen about 10 since I've been here. There was another OFFICIAL OLYMPIC STORE on the other side of the street.

They sell a bunch of useless olympic crap

Like this crystal plate that is impossible to eat of off!



Or thes weird crystal figures!





Closeup of the Panda



Here are the five weirdo mascots in all their glory. The yellow one is Yingying, the green is Nini I think...wait, all of that might be wrong. I know that there are two girls (the blue and green) and three boys (one is a panda).

Meanwhile, the only thing worth buying:



ISNT THIS SO COOL?!
IT WAS ONLY LIKE, 25 BUCKS!
The only reason I didn't buy it was because it was too big.

Instead, I bought this:



It says: Hello! I am Nini! Then something else.

Tomorrow I leave super early for downtown, will update!

I'm Here!

I finally decided on a blog name: Peanut Buddha and Japan. Sure it's cheesy, but I currently can't find any cheese at all in Beijing, so I'll take any I can get.

For those of you who don't know: I'm venturing out on a 2 1/2 month journey to China and Japan. I'm living in Beijing for a month, volunteering at an orphanage, then making my way to Tokyo (while stopping in Shanghai and Osaka) where I'll live for another month.

Two days ago my flight left Toronto at 8:30 am. I spent the five hour flight to Vancouver sleeping on some guy with a gross beard and a nike cap. He wasn't too happy about it.



Here, taking place in Vancouver Airport, is the photo I've titled "The Last Supper: Canadian Style". Seeing as this was my last chance to have proper western food, I opted for Tim Horton's classic 'Soup and Sammich' combo, complete with Panda Baba over yonder in the corner.



On my next flight I was entertained by a number of things.



First, the kid behind me was wailing away, so I entertained him with my trusty bear puppet. Sweet.



Then, I played around with the personal t.v. in front of me and tried to pass 11 hours by watching Flight of the Conchords. It was that or an HBO Special featuring George Lopez. Gross. Then finally, when we were about two hours away from Beijing, I decided to start writing out some Mandarin characters so that if I was to go to a restaurant, I'd be able to read the menu. I decided to start with "Corn on the Cob" even though thats probably the last thing I'd ask for in China. I was interupted by the woman next to me laughing her ass off. Apparently my symbol for "Corn" was literally, laughably bad. She then proceeded grab my pencil and draw it herself, then encouraged me to copy her. Each time she laughed, so I can only assume that when I write Corn, it doesn't say Corn. Regardless, I now have an entire page of paper that reads "Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Corn Cob" in Mandarin Chinese. For the next hour me and her attempted to have a conversation, her speaking Mandarin and me using my phrasebook. All I managed to say was that I came to Beijing to "babysit" and that I was from Toronto (which she thought was in America).


When we landed, it was 30 degrees outside. Right now it's 30 degrees outside. Earlier today, it was 30 degrees and tomorrow will probably be another 30 degrees. I know that sounds nice, because you guys are probably freezing or something, but DEAR LORD IS IT SMOGGY HERE! I have yet to see the sky. Today was the first time I saw the sun. Seriously, SERIOUSLY.

I got picked up at the airport by Noora, a girl from England who is my roomate until Tuesday. We got picked up by the Orphanage's driver. That's right, a driver. If we want to go anywhere this dude takes us, FREE! Me and Noora have planned to go to Beijing on the weekend, see all the tourist sites.


Today however we took some bikes and rode into town. It took us about 20 minutes to bike to a small town about 30 mins outside of downtown Beijing (basically where I live in Toronto in relation to Yonge and Dundas) once we got there, people went apeshit. I'm not even exaggerating. The people there had obviously rarely seen white people and jumped at the chance to scream "Hello!" to the blond westerner and her less interesting friend, me. One guy saw us, froze in his tracks, then ran into his store. The next minute, two young guys chased after him as he ran outside. They stood on the side of the street screaming "HIIII!" until we turned and addressed them. Then they spent the rest of the time laughing and staring until we left. Kids stopped licking their ice cream to stare, old men on bicycles stopped looking at traffic to stare, a bus beeped at us then all the passengers proceeded to press their noses against the glass and wave. Noora told me that downtown wasn't like this, but the small town that she was staying in earlier had her stopping consistently so people could take pictures. She told me about how when eating at restaurants, people would press up to the glass to stare and wave at her. I spent three dollars and bought: Lay's Mango Chips, Pokemon Toothpaste, Apple Flavoured Cookies and five plums.



There was a puppy with the dog too. He ran away while I was taking this photo.



He ran away to chase this kitty. Turn your head, I cant turn it on this computer.



All the stores had the EXACT SAME SIGN! I mean I'm sure they said different things, but they were all blue with red writing. Except for one which was yellow with red writing.



This was the supermarket I bought all of my gross stuff from, none of the bikes were locked. When we left our bikes we didnt lock them, apparently no one steals them *shrugs*



This was the only place that wasn't: Selling meat, A supermarket, An eatery....
other than the hairdressers



My Mango Lays. Not terrible. Not good either.



My apple cookes that expired in January. Yum.



My Torchtic toothpaste! Strawberry falve. Yum.

When we came back we had a nice chinese dinner (we can eat the meals they provide for the nanny's) and escaped to our room to watch bootleg episodes of House.

Before we had biked out, we went downstairs and played with the children.



This kid was absolutely adorable. The entire time I was there, he didn't move a muscle and stayed in the same place, just starting at me. I came up to him with a teddy bear and made it snuggle with him. He didn't budge. I picked up a decorated rattle and tried to get him to play with it, nothing. I picked up some other freaky stuffed animal, and still he just sat there staring. Then suddenly, he picked up the bear I had given him, squished it into his face and started bawling. Startled I petted him on the back and said "It's okay!". Then suddenly everything was and he stopped crying and eating the bear and just sat there, staring. I left to go to the other nursery and he sat there and stared at me the whole way out.





This girl was a treat. She was so amused that I could take a picture of her and then she could see herself. She explained to me in Mandarin that she was wearing very pretty bows, then showed me them on her head. Later she came by with a book, which I thought she wanted me to read, but instead just wanted to jump on my leg and be bounced around.





Soon enough these two kids caught onto the bouncing and I had three kids sitting on my legs, demanding they bounce up and down. Another smalled kid caught wind of it and tottled over, after realizing there was no room for him, his face scrunched up and made like he was about to cry. Before he could I scooped him in one arm and bounced him up and down that way.


The first little boy brought me a book about bugs and wanted me to flip through it with them. I opened it up and upon seeing the first bug he yelled "CHA!" and smacked it with his hand. Not knowing what Cha meant, I just repeated it and figured it meant "Ants". Then on the next page he screamed "CHA!" and hit the book again. I started to realize that he meant that he was squishing the bugs. After the second read through he stopped squishing them and started to repeat the english versions of them, mumbling "Layy Bug" and "Capillar".

I've talked to the people here, and originally they wanted to send me to Singapore to pick up a kid (SINGAPORE!) but apparently I won't be here to pick him up...or will I? ...We'll see...
I do know that they plan to move me to one of their sister orphanage by next week. So we shall see where I end up.