Beijing Huan Ying Ni! The Engrish Edition!

Today me and Noora went down to three markets in Beijing: Pearl Market, the popular Silk Market and some market that I don't remmeber the name of right now.

After waking up at some ungodly hour (8am?) I munched on toast and peanut butter. Yes! Peanut Butter! It was almost the highlight of the entire day!

One of the executives drove us downtown early in the morning so that we could spend the whole day shopping. One thing I noticed as we drove, was the nature of horn honking here. In Canada, honking your horn is usually a quick and easy way to say "FUCK YOU!" without actually saying it. Honking your horn here is usually a way of saying "Excuse me sir, but I am about to drive into on coming traffic, pardon me"
or, just as popular, "Watch out sir, we are about to collide into one another at break neck speeds". Driving today was just as dangerous as yesterday, except this time I was awarded the luxury of a seatbelt. Hoorah!

We first went to the Pearl Market. The least busiest of the three that spezializes in, you guessed it, Pearls! As well as cheap ass rip offs of stuff.



Where do you guys think I went right away? THE TOYS!!!!



Look everyone! It's the super popular Pokemon Arcoiris and...I seriously can't even read that one, Nanajba? Nabanja? Yeah, Pokemon Nabanja.



Here is the back to the ever popular "Pokemon Pokemon R Fire Red"
It Reads: FROM NOW ON, YOURSELF ADVENTURE TRIP STARTS. GO TO MOUNTAINS, CAVES AND VILALGES; TALK TO PEOPLE; LOOK FOR ITEMS, COLLECT INFORMATION! ALSO, HELP PEOPLE IN TROUBLE. BE CAREFUL ON THE WAY TO EXPLORE THIS UNKNOWN WORLD. KEEP ON FIGHTING AGAINST THE WILD CREATURES, AND BEAT THEM! EXPRIENCE ALL DANGERS, LEARN FROM PEOPLE, KEEP ON GROWING UP. YOUR GOAL IS TO BE A FIRST CLASS BAG - TYPEOPEMON TRAINER!

I want to be a first class bag!

My other fave: POKEMON CHAOS BLACK!



Pokemon chaos black will take you on a journeythrough teh land of hoenn. yoyr quest is to become the ultimate pokemon master through collecting, battling and trading. Pokemon black offers incrediblc new graphics, varied gameplay and more than 100 new characters.

I love varied gameplay!



A bunch of crazy dino heads




A WHOLE WALL OF FAKE TRANSFORMERS! Offscreen they had all of the constructicons for....15 DOLLARS! ARRRGHHHHHH! It wouldn't have fit in my bag! I mourn at my own loss!
MOURN!
I would have always known it was fake though, maybe thats for the best.

Ah well moving on,



Rip off bearbricks! Yaaay! That china flag one is pretty sweet, I kind of regret not getting it. I don't regret passing this thing up:



bleh! I guess it's Mario? It's scary is what it is. AND LOOK AT THAT FREAKY MASKED THING BESIDE HIM! Those masks are very popular here and obviously hold some cultural signifigance, but that doesn't mean they're not creepy.



A kitty bag, for kitties I assume



Love to madness, LOVEHOSE! (That little heart in the corner is saying HiHO!)
Piease always remamber that I love you mare than anylhihg elsc in thc warld

I would have totally bought this if it didn't say "Lovehose" on it.

Noora wanted to go bag shopping while we were there. The people there are ANIMALS! Really, literally. While one stall would tend to us, the rest would wait around like wolves, stalking their prey. Two women literally PULLED me into their bag shops while I was screaming, "NO I DON'T EVEN LIKE BAGS! REALLY! I'M WEARING A FANNY PACK FOR GOD'S SAKE! I HATE PURSES!" it was actually frightening.

I ended up leaving with a small present for Jennie, which I can't talk about, and a pretty silk dress for myself.



Afterwards we stopped to eat at this dumpling shop. 10 pork dumplings for 10 yuan! Thats roughly 1.50!



Yum



This is the street we were on



ART



MORE ART!



This was a statue we ate our dumpling by. What is it? A panda? A cow? A bull?
*shrugs* You can also the the lady staring at us crazy foreigners

Next was the tourist popular Silk Market



This might give you an idea of what it's like in comparison to the Pearl Market, no wonder those ladies wanted me to buy bags so badly.
Oh yeah! Forgot to mention, thats what they call you here: Lay Dee
"Hello Lay Dee! Beautiful bag, Prada, Gucci?"
"Hello Lay Dee! Buy a shirt? A shirt for your boyfriend?"
"Hello Lay Dee! You are vary beautiful, yes beautiful Lay Dee!"
or "Where you from? Canada? Canada are friends yes!"
My faveorite one of the day was "How old are you, fourteen?"
*sigh* At least I know that when I fail at my career the lolita porn market will always be avaliable.

Noora went to find some bags while I stopped by a supermarket in the basement.



Doesn't he look just SLIGHTLY asian?
Snap, crackle and pop look like that too...
I don't even know why they sell cereal here. I can barely find milk.
I wonder what they have it with...Maybe I'm just not looking for milk in the right places.



I really regret not buying whatever this is

Finally me and Noora ventured to the last market, a clothes market that I can't recall the name of



This one was less busy than the Silk Market, but had more white people than the Pearl Market



A view of the street

Like always, I ventured off to find the crappiest things I could



Pinko!
I wanted to buy for Jennifer SO BADLY! But when would you ever wear it Asian? It's so ugly.



Tokyo Burger! Tokyo Finesy!



Absolutely no fire allowed



I don't even know what this one says



Crazy Guitar!

I ended up buying a silk bathrobe for myself, so that I don't have to walk around my apartment in Japan naked.

After a grueling day, we got our driver to stop off at this place:



I needed to go here.
Don't get me wrong, I hate the westernization of other countries as much as anyone else, but there's something about foreign interpretation of western ideals (see: capitalism) that gets my blood rushing.

For example: Noora explained to me that at KFC here, there is no chicken (qua?) but that they do serve Congee (kind of like a rice soup)I dont even LIKE KFC!

....But do you have ANY idea how exciting that is? My whole life is based around accumulating as many shitty fake western cultural artifacts as possible (Indiana Jones M&M bags, Star Wars spoons, Cereal Box gifts, etc). We are the culture without culture! And what a better way to experience it than watch a country with culture interpret it! I don't know if any of that makes sense, but I think it has something to do with growing up when I did.

I read that on my boat (from Shanghai to Osaka) they have a western menu, serving:
Deep fried Pork Cutlet
Bean Curd
Meat Sauce

I am so....effing....excited

I ended up getting: A Taro Pie (WOW!) and a cucumber quarter pounder (ALSO WOW!) they have a coconut and pineapple pie as well (WILL BE BACK!)




Me having a very exciting time with my pie

Noora with Chicken McNuggets, WATCH AND FIND OUT WHATS SPECIAL ABOUT IT!



We got home and ended the day by comparing our spoils



It was too late to play with babies ;_;
So Sunday is baby day!!!
Then Monday is the great wall!
Tuesday Noora leaves for Bali
and I....well, I guess I'm going south?

*shrugs*

p.s.

The names of the mascots are
Beibei Jingjing Huanhuan Yingying and Nini
when put together
Beijing Huan Ying Ni!
Weclome to Beijing!
or more literally
Beijing Welcomes You!