No, I won't be writing any poetry.
I just went to see The Hulk (which was surprisingly enjoyable, by the way) and started to think about terrible fate that has befallen the past few fox licensed Marvel movies (Fantastic Four, Fantastic Four 2, X-MEN 3, Spiderman 3, Daredevil)
There was a point in my life where I would watch any movie, ANY MOVIE (sometimes twice). I'm talking things like: Kindergarten Cop: 2 (Starring Arnie Schawrz) The Landlady (With the tagline; Evil doesn't knock, it has a key!) and Glitter (Mariah Carey, I went TO the theater to see it!).
I don't want you to misunderstand, I'm aware Arnold Schwarzenegger can't act, I think horror movies are stupid, and I don't secretly lust after Mariah Carey, let alone like anything about her. I don't deem any of these movies enjoyable, watchable or likable by any stretch, and can safely say not one bone in my body ever wanted to see them.
To answer the obvious question, "Well, why the fuck did you watch them?".
I love watching movies. Love love love LOVE it!
I've seen Return of the King 53 times in theaters, I save ticket stubs in a box under my bed, I get goosebumps when I hear the Indiana Jones theme.
Needles to say, throughout my life I've seen some pretty TERRIBLE movies, and I believe I've grown to have a sound opinion on the general quality of a movie (i.e. "You Don't Mess With the Zohan" = Bad, "Iron Man" = Good).
That being said, a large majority of the films that I deem to be "essential" (or that made the greatest impact on me as a film-maker) are absolute shit...like....really terrible... I should probably never tell anyone, it's that bad. Watching so many movies has made me realize how terrible these movies are overall, yet I still truly believe that they are brilliant movies. I'm not talking "so bad it's good", I mean, I will set aside time to throughly go through these movies so I can enjoy every minute of them.
So here we are, in no particular order
DOUBLE DRAGON (1994) (MCA - UNIVERSAL) "Evil just met it's match"
Set in the future (like every quality movie should be) we follow the adventures of two teenage brothers (Jimmy and Billy a la "Double Dragon" the video game) who hold one half of an ancient Chinese medallion in their possession. The medallion (whose other half is in the hands of the evil villain) contains the mystical and unfathomable power of the "DOUBLE DRAGON!". Needless to say, evil dude wants it, and lots of badass 90s inspired kung fu ensues.
Now available on VHS!
I can't tell you HOW many times I made my mother rent this when it came out.
Years later I was afraid to touch it, usually movies aren't as good as you remember them, BUT THIS ONE IS! REALLY! It's still so wonderful.
THE TRIAL OF THE INCREDIBLE HULK (1989) (NBC)
Made for T.V. movie based on the famous Lou Ferrigno show "The Incredible Hulk".
As the video just said, The Hulk is tired of running and goes on trial for being The Hulk. You must be asking "What sets this apart from any other episode of the Incredible Hulk?" , well I'll tell you what, MATT MURDOCK! OUR FAVORITE BLIND SUPERHERO/ATTORNEY (Daredevil) IS THE HULKS LAWYER! YES! For those of you who know Daredevil (from the comics and not the vomit inducing Ben Affleck pic) you know that he is BAD-ASS! Just look at this clip, stay watching until the end for a totally tasteful blind joke and the classic "lonely man" piano theme:
Don't ask me why he's wearing a black jumpsuit, it's apparently his superhero outfit (yeah, I dunno).
FASTER PUSSYCAT! KILL! KILL! (1965) (EVE PRODUCTIONS)
All you need to know: it's about three strippers in a desert.
I've ALWAYS wanted to make a bad ass tribute to this movie starring some hot babes in the desert doing hot babe things.
GODZILLA:FINAL WARS (2004) (TOHO FILM)
This film was released in celebration of fifty awesome years of Godzilla! Aliens invade they Earth and it's up to Godzilla and friends to save them. Oh yeah, the aliens also control all the other Godzilla characters introduced over every movie since the first, INCLUDING GODZILLA FROM THE TERRIBLE GODZILLA 2000! He gets his ass kicked :).
I must have watched this at my old work 1000 times. First of all, the thing that makes this a great movie: everyone is in leather, ALL THE TIME. I remember thinking "what do they wear at Funerals? Weddings? Bar mitzvahs?" I know the answer, leather.
JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER (2001) (ODESSA)
Just like the title says, Jesus Christ, Vampire Hunter. My love for this film probably derives from the love I feel for old kung fu movies, most notably "Road to Shanghai" (which I can't find, ANYWHERE). Below is my favorite scene in the movie.
THE WIZARD (1989)
Fred Savage in the longest Nintendo commercial! Also famous for the first appearance of Tobey McGuire.
This movie has some great quotes:
"Hey, it's the Wizard! I hope you don't get nervous like last time. We wouldn't want you to...”whizz" on someone!"
"Yeah, well, just keep your Power Gloves off her, pal."
And of course...
"I love the power glove, it's so bad"
HACKERS (1995) (UNITED ARTISTS)
Honestly, this ties for favorite movie of all time.
I don't know what I could tell you that the trailer didn't, other than the fact that THIS MOVIE IS AMAZING!
Some gems:
"You wanted to know who I am, Zero Cool? Well, let me explain the New World Order. Governments and corporations need people like you and me. We are Samurai... the Keyboard Cowboys... and all those other people who have no idea what's going on are the cattle... Moooo"
"If it isn't Leopard Boy and the Decepticons"
"Zero Cool? Crashed fifteen hundred and seven computers in one day? Biggest crash in history, front page New York Times August 10th, 1988. I thought you was black man. YO THIS IS ZERO COOL!"
AHHHH!
I LOVE THAT LINE!
AHHHH!
YOU CAN BUY THIS MOVIE NEW FOR 9.99 AT AMAZON!
DO IT!
DO IT NOW!
There's some more, but now I'm so excited about Hackers that I can't remember...
Tuesday, 17 June 2008
Friday, 13 June 2008
VIDEOS WORK
QUICKIE
IF YOU WEREN'T ABLE TO VIEW THE VIDEOS BEFORE
NOW YOU CAN
IT TAKES A WHILE TO LOAD ON EXPLORER
USE FIREFOX
EXPLORER SUCKS ANYWAYS
love
IF YOU WEREN'T ABLE TO VIEW THE VIDEOS BEFORE
NOW YOU CAN
IT TAKES A WHILE TO LOAD ON EXPLORER
USE FIREFOX
EXPLORER SUCKS ANYWAYS
love
Monday, 9 June 2008
In Space, No One Can Hear You Blog
Hello,
That's what they'd say here in Singapore. No fancy Ni hao, just, hello.
*Sigh*
Singpore is....a very big mall? And concrete? And lots of palm trees.
Let me lay out a totally and absolutely true scenario for you (void of any of my usual sarcasm). Here I am, walking the streets of Singapore, on my way to the hospital. It's getting a bit to humid for my liking and I happen to be near a taxi queue. Figuring that a cab would be worthwhile, I wait in line for the next available cab. As the cab pulls up, I reach for the handle, but stop short, somethings wrong. Aha! Out of my bag I pull a round, green, luscious Durian fruit. Now my life is at peace, with my delicious Durian and an a/c cab, what could possibly go wrong. Once I entered the cab, my eyes welled up as I witnessed this monstrosity:
DEAR LORD! Do my eyes deceive me? NO durian allowed? Look at that big red cross! What the hell? Can't someone just enjoy their taxi durian in peace?! Fuck you corporate America!
In a cab today, I broke the only two rules they had: no drinking, wear seatbelt. There I was, a rebel without a cause, lounging with a grape champagne bubble tea in one hand, and no seatbelt in the other.
Anywho, me being me aside.
I've mostly been spending lots of time at the hospital looking after little Min Lian. She just got heart surgery (scary) and is currently recovering in ICU. Today we watched the first episode of Pokemon together (bonding moment), and I could only think about one thing.
IS HO-OH IN THAT EPISODE?!
You guys remember when all the Spearows attack Ash, but then Pikachu saves him? Then they're all burnt up and laying on the ground and the clouds clear and there's a rainbow and there's this bird and- I swear it's Ho-oh!
I couldn't very well ask Min Lian. I don't know Mandarin.
We also did some other awesome stuff like:
Blew some bubbles together
Ate a shitload of candy (she hand fed me m&m's)
Watched a baby sleep
Played with some Doraemon magnets
Decorated each other with red Goofy stamps
Playing with kids is really awesome. I used to think I really disliked kids but then I realized it was a mix of two things
1) I don't like babies. They're too small and fragile, it's kind of scary
2) I don't like the idea of having a baby. It's just gross. Don't ask
But hanging around with little kids is awesome! They like you no matter what and they always want to do cool stuff with me that no one else wants to do. Like Chun, before I left we spent about 2 hours throwing balls from a ball pit, then another hour lying on the floor wriggling around.
I stayed with Min Lian for about 4 hours today. Each day I usually visit her twice, each for at least an hour. I usually get kicked out of the room (I'm not allowed to be there while they give her shots and stuff like that) so I venture out to the vending machine section
Intriguing. The sign ontop advertises the fact that they are delivered, fresh, each day to this vending machine. I would love to have that job.
That boy is the flash! Look how fast he is! A blur! Anywho, a look at your typical vending machine. Way more uh, mystical than back home.
A closer view of the many delicious drinks. Milk isn't very popular in Asia, which means most of your milk options are soy. Sweet.
No, I did not get insta popcorn, but tomorrow. I promise.
I did however try my luck on these here capsule machines (I can never resist).
Guess which one I chose?
Yeah.
All I really wanted was a Turtwig, I would have even settled for a Piplup or Pikachu. What did I get? Dialga, Palkia and Chimchar. Stupid fire monkey. All I'm saying is, one of you is getting a small Chimchar as a present when I get back.
I found out Little India was only a few blocks away, so when baby went to sleep I took a stroll over.
I ate at a place where you had to take off your shoes and eat on the ground.
Vegetarian dish and butter naan. Lime drinks are also very popular here, and MAN are they delicious!
I wanted to get my haircut here SO BADLY!
They were closed.
Self-explanitory.
A beautiful temple, decorated at the top, and beside it, another cultural artifact.
Woo!
A few more things that have nothing to do with Singapore, China, Japan or lovely children:
The Hulk.
It's out today.
I'm going to wait until the baby falls asleep then sneak out and see it.
I'm not a huge fan of the Hulk actually.
World War Hulk (the last Marvel crossover) was pretty terrible (I blame you and you alone John Romita Jr!), but I did really enjoy the long forgotten Wolverine vs The Hulk and Planet Hulk. The new movie looks quite promising, Eddie Norton as Bruce Banner and --- as Abomination. Stark is making an appearance as well, there's also a rumor that a certain "special someone" might make an appearance as well. This movie to me is less about The Hulk and more about the fact that Marvel Studios are re-claiming their licences. I'm less excited for the Hulk and more excited to see what they do with Thor, Captain America and The Avengers (and hopefully a new Daredevil? *crosses fingers*). The Hulk and Iron Man are just going to be awesome examples of how they intend to make these movies part of the Marvel UNIVERSE (as in they are RELATED to each other, and have a certain sense of CONTINUITY)
After the piss poor job other studios (ahem, Fox) did with our beloved characters: Daredevil, Elektra, Fantastic Four, The X-Men, Spiderman (say what you will, but Toby McGuire was nothing even close to the real Spiderman).
I'm missing all my comics here too. Secret Invasion? I heard Tony might be a Skrull? I hope he isn't.
I really have absolutely nothing to write about.
I saw a cat with half a tail today.
Once I get back to Beijing I promise I'll update ALL THE TIME, WITH PICTURES AND STORIES 1000 TIMES MORE AWESOMER THAN NOW!
Being here really gets me down.
I know that sounds like a REALLY dumb thing to say, but Singapore is EXACTLY like home except that:
I'm alone
and
it's really humid.
There is no culture or feeling to this place (the food is good though...) it serves merely as a tourist attraction to white people. Lots of places to shop (If I didn't know better I'd say this entire country was one big shopping mall), mainstream movies, McDonalds on every corner, everyone speaks english...it sounds like the perfect travel destination to some, but I really miss buying meat from the "meat window" in town. I miss women screaming at me and grabbing me to buy bags at their store. I miss all the little babies. I miss the nannies who don't know english but always try to talk to me. I miss the people in town running out of their houses to scream "HELLO!". I miss people laughing at my improper use of chopsticks. I miss the terrible engrish that plagues that city. I even miss the cab drivers who spit out their windows, without a care in the world.
I miss Beijing.
Bu ku Gabriela.
That's what they'd say here in Singapore. No fancy Ni hao, just, hello.
*Sigh*
Singpore is....a very big mall? And concrete? And lots of palm trees.
Let me lay out a totally and absolutely true scenario for you (void of any of my usual sarcasm). Here I am, walking the streets of Singapore, on my way to the hospital. It's getting a bit to humid for my liking and I happen to be near a taxi queue. Figuring that a cab would be worthwhile, I wait in line for the next available cab. As the cab pulls up, I reach for the handle, but stop short, somethings wrong. Aha! Out of my bag I pull a round, green, luscious Durian fruit. Now my life is at peace, with my delicious Durian and an a/c cab, what could possibly go wrong. Once I entered the cab, my eyes welled up as I witnessed this monstrosity:
DEAR LORD! Do my eyes deceive me? NO durian allowed? Look at that big red cross! What the hell? Can't someone just enjoy their taxi durian in peace?! Fuck you corporate America!
In a cab today, I broke the only two rules they had: no drinking, wear seatbelt. There I was, a rebel without a cause, lounging with a grape champagne bubble tea in one hand, and no seatbelt in the other.
Anywho, me being me aside.
I've mostly been spending lots of time at the hospital looking after little Min Lian. She just got heart surgery (scary) and is currently recovering in ICU. Today we watched the first episode of Pokemon together (bonding moment), and I could only think about one thing.
IS HO-OH IN THAT EPISODE?!
You guys remember when all the Spearows attack Ash, but then Pikachu saves him? Then they're all burnt up and laying on the ground and the clouds clear and there's a rainbow and there's this bird and- I swear it's Ho-oh!
I couldn't very well ask Min Lian. I don't know Mandarin.
We also did some other awesome stuff like:
Blew some bubbles together
Ate a shitload of candy (she hand fed me m&m's)
Watched a baby sleep
Played with some Doraemon magnets
Decorated each other with red Goofy stamps
Playing with kids is really awesome. I used to think I really disliked kids but then I realized it was a mix of two things
1) I don't like babies. They're too small and fragile, it's kind of scary
2) I don't like the idea of having a baby. It's just gross. Don't ask
But hanging around with little kids is awesome! They like you no matter what and they always want to do cool stuff with me that no one else wants to do. Like Chun, before I left we spent about 2 hours throwing balls from a ball pit, then another hour lying on the floor wriggling around.
I stayed with Min Lian for about 4 hours today. Each day I usually visit her twice, each for at least an hour. I usually get kicked out of the room (I'm not allowed to be there while they give her shots and stuff like that) so I venture out to the vending machine section
Intriguing. The sign ontop advertises the fact that they are delivered, fresh, each day to this vending machine. I would love to have that job.
That boy is the flash! Look how fast he is! A blur! Anywho, a look at your typical vending machine. Way more uh, mystical than back home.
A closer view of the many delicious drinks. Milk isn't very popular in Asia, which means most of your milk options are soy. Sweet.
No, I did not get insta popcorn, but tomorrow. I promise.
I did however try my luck on these here capsule machines (I can never resist).
Guess which one I chose?
Yeah.
All I really wanted was a Turtwig, I would have even settled for a Piplup or Pikachu. What did I get? Dialga, Palkia and Chimchar. Stupid fire monkey. All I'm saying is, one of you is getting a small Chimchar as a present when I get back.
I found out Little India was only a few blocks away, so when baby went to sleep I took a stroll over.
I ate at a place where you had to take off your shoes and eat on the ground.
Vegetarian dish and butter naan. Lime drinks are also very popular here, and MAN are they delicious!
I wanted to get my haircut here SO BADLY!
They were closed.
Self-explanitory.
A beautiful temple, decorated at the top, and beside it, another cultural artifact.
Woo!
A few more things that have nothing to do with Singapore, China, Japan or lovely children:
The Hulk.
It's out today.
I'm going to wait until the baby falls asleep then sneak out and see it.
I'm not a huge fan of the Hulk actually.
World War Hulk (the last Marvel crossover) was pretty terrible (I blame you and you alone John Romita Jr!), but I did really enjoy the long forgotten Wolverine vs The Hulk and Planet Hulk. The new movie looks quite promising, Eddie Norton as Bruce Banner and --- as Abomination. Stark is making an appearance as well, there's also a rumor that a certain "special someone" might make an appearance as well. This movie to me is less about The Hulk and more about the fact that Marvel Studios are re-claiming their licences. I'm less excited for the Hulk and more excited to see what they do with Thor, Captain America and The Avengers (and hopefully a new Daredevil? *crosses fingers*). The Hulk and Iron Man are just going to be awesome examples of how they intend to make these movies part of the Marvel UNIVERSE (as in they are RELATED to each other, and have a certain sense of CONTINUITY)
After the piss poor job other studios (ahem, Fox) did with our beloved characters: Daredevil, Elektra, Fantastic Four, The X-Men, Spiderman (say what you will, but Toby McGuire was nothing even close to the real Spiderman).
I'm missing all my comics here too. Secret Invasion? I heard Tony might be a Skrull? I hope he isn't.
I really have absolutely nothing to write about.
I saw a cat with half a tail today.
Once I get back to Beijing I promise I'll update ALL THE TIME, WITH PICTURES AND STORIES 1000 TIMES MORE AWESOMER THAN NOW!
Being here really gets me down.
I know that sounds like a REALLY dumb thing to say, but Singapore is EXACTLY like home except that:
I'm alone
and
it's really humid.
There is no culture or feeling to this place (the food is good though...) it serves merely as a tourist attraction to white people. Lots of places to shop (If I didn't know better I'd say this entire country was one big shopping mall), mainstream movies, McDonalds on every corner, everyone speaks english...it sounds like the perfect travel destination to some, but I really miss buying meat from the "meat window" in town. I miss women screaming at me and grabbing me to buy bags at their store. I miss all the little babies. I miss the nannies who don't know english but always try to talk to me. I miss the people in town running out of their houses to scream "HELLO!". I miss people laughing at my improper use of chopsticks. I miss the terrible engrish that plagues that city. I even miss the cab drivers who spit out their windows, without a care in the world.
I miss Beijing.
Bu ku Gabriela.
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
Bread
I'm sorry I haven't written in a while (because I know all your lives have stopped, just waiting for a new post) I don't want anyone to think I've flaked out on the whole blogging process, it's just been an insane week.
Lets start from the beginning:
Last LAST Sunday, I went to Church.
Yeah that pretty much says it.
Anywho, I had been doing a lot of things outside of the orphanage, what with Noora leaving and all, so I decided that Sunday was kids day. I played with kids all day long!...And watched a lot of boot-leg House DVDs.
This little boy always looks out for me in the windows of the playrooms. The first time he saw me he ran towards me as if we had been best buds for years! He likes to sit on my lap and bounce around. Mostly he enjoys watching other kids have fun with me, and then pretend he's the one having fun. Lots of kids are like that, if you want to make a kid laugh, just play with another kid *shrugs*
Here they are pushing around a house.
Here's a kid wearing my slippers. Turn your head! I'm lazy.
After the day of play, me and Noora woke up early and ventured out to the great wall. We woke up happy, because it was cool out, but also sad because it was smoggy. It took a while to drive there. We passed lots of trees and farms and then literally, out of nowhere a mountain appears, then more mountains. Soon after we we're driving up a mountain.
The driver dropped us off and we immediately ran to the admissions office. There were two ways to get up to the great wall
1) Walk
2) Cable Car
Well since we didn't want to walk (high five for westerners!) we opted for the one way cable car (we decided to walk back down, high five for non-american westerners!). The cable car cost about five bucks, and looked awesome. The giant picture in front of us showed a family, in awe, looking out of their glass cable car. On the super engrish pamphlet we we're given, all of the wall's attractions we're magically (and badly!) photoshopped into one place. Above the wall, people rode in the cable car, while down below other people took the slide down. Yes, the slide. I'll get to that later.
Happy with our cable car purchase we followed the signs towards our ride. When we got there, I was surprised to find that instead of a cable car, there was a ski lift. You know those dinky little ones where your feet dangle? I was seriously about to piss my pants.
Luckily when we got to the highest possible point, the trees came up near our feet. I breathed a sigh of relief and told Noora that now we wouldn't die if we fell, just be horribly mutilated.
Oh, I also forgot to mention the ever so scenic "Chinese" music that plays on the lift, only on the lift, no where else. This video will explain three things: the music, the slide and the height.
The slide you see in the video is one of the walls main attractions (according to the brochure of course). You pay about eight bucks, and get to slide back down to town on a little sheet with a stick in it. Noora looked like she was going to burst with excitement, I told her she could do it without me. I know, thats very un-me of me, but seriously, if they lied to me about the cable car, I can't even begin to imagine how much worse that slide is.
When we finally got up there, we saw a small hut in the distance, the tallest point from where we were standing, and decided we would walk there.
I'm about to show you a bunch of pictures, but honestly, being there was amazing and near indescribable. I assume it's akin to listening to the lift music for an hour. Seriously though. Most tourist attractions in large cities are man made structures. Easy example, the CN Tower. Sure, it's tall, large, penisy, but you know that 500 guys with cranes and 100 000 000 dollars were behind it. It's amazing to touch stone and know that human hands built it, to look out into the distance of sprawling road and stairs and imagine how long it took.
Here's a picture that successfully captures none of what I just described.
Hahaha, I'm a tourist!
ART
I could have walked the wall for hours and hours, if it wasn't so effing hot.
That's where these people come in:
Every 100m or so, one or two people are stationed with bananas, water, postcards, basically anything they can sell you. They have a great tactic for preying on westerners, they offer to take a photo of you. After they're your friend, they ask you if you would like to buy something, if you're thick skinned you say no and continue on. They say "Yes yes, okay friend, you come back"
and you say
"Yeah"
because really, you have to come back, or else you can't get down.
Then you come back, and of course say "No, I don't want some chips"
and then they say "What? You said you'd come back! We are friends!"
After that you're basically a human bank.
Luckily I have no heart, and continued on.
Some parts of the wall have stairs that are very warped, walking down them makes you feel like you have a severe inner ear infection. I wish I had gotten Noora to take a video of how stupid I looked walking down those stairs. At some points there are stairs that are so steep and big that you literally have to climb them.
There was also a ladder at one point.
Uh, yeah.
After we got down we visited the little market, where they sell "TWO SHIRTS, ONE DOLLAR!"
Sure, its a great deal, but really, do you need TWO shirt that say "I CLIMB GREAT WALL"?
The answer is no.
Or maybe it isn't...
I ended up buying my dad a presie.
No it wasn't two shirts.
I also learned to play Mahjong.
And by learned I mean played a westernized version on Noora's computer.
This picture has nothing to do with what I learned, I just happened to take a picture that complimented that story.
Awesome.
Soup Anyone?
I also had some pictures of a nice garden we found, I will find them later, don't know where they went.
When we got home, I was about to take a nap when one of the executives rushed into my room. She told a me a little girl was sick and needed to be rushed to the hospital, I had to go with her.
Her name is Chun. We did 100 down a highway, her in my lap while a nurse tried to put an oxygen mask on her.
The short version of the story is that I love her so very much and she is better.
I have 1000 pictures of her, but will spare all of you and only show a few.
I don't want to talk much about it now.
I miss her so much, even though I'm only in Singapore.
If I talk about her, I'll get sad.
So here's a bunch of stuff:
Hi! I am Chun!
I am scared of the hospital and hate doctors.
I cry when Gabriela goes to the bathroom, so she only goes when I'm asleep.
I got sent here because I won't eat, and have trouble breathing.
I will eat this carrot though
I like watching olympic gymnastic footage. Gabriela tried to put on Mandarin cartoons for me, but I don't like them. I also like exposes on life in Iran and Australian animal rescue programs.
Being sick makes me sleepy, and very drooly.
I am neeeeever grumpy. I wake up smiling but with messy hair.
I smile all the time, but not so much in the hospital.
I hate getting my heart checked. The doctor tried to do it to my toy duck first, to show me that I was okay, but I knew better. I screamed and grabbed it before she could hurt it anymore.
I'm probably watching that cat show for the 83240 time
I won't drink my formula, another reason why I'm in the hospital...
but I will make the nurses prepare it, then only suck on the top.
Hooray!
Gabriela bought me socks
Hooray!
At one point, I would only eat bananas
I eat a muffin, AND THE INTERNET GOES WILD!
I have 1003284324 more videos and pictures, but thats enough for now.
A little girl (5) is getting heart surgery in Singapore, so I have gone there to see her through/take her back to Beijing.
I don't like Singapore.
I realize now how stupid my blog name is (because you know, it wasn't before....)
Where the hell does singapore fit in, is it the bread?
Maybe it's the crust
p.s.
I'm sorry if my grammar is horrible
it's late here, im tired, was at hospital 10 hours
Lets start from the beginning:
Last LAST Sunday, I went to Church.
Yeah that pretty much says it.
Anywho, I had been doing a lot of things outside of the orphanage, what with Noora leaving and all, so I decided that Sunday was kids day. I played with kids all day long!...And watched a lot of boot-leg House DVDs.
This little boy always looks out for me in the windows of the playrooms. The first time he saw me he ran towards me as if we had been best buds for years! He likes to sit on my lap and bounce around. Mostly he enjoys watching other kids have fun with me, and then pretend he's the one having fun. Lots of kids are like that, if you want to make a kid laugh, just play with another kid *shrugs*
Here they are pushing around a house.
Here's a kid wearing my slippers. Turn your head! I'm lazy.
After the day of play, me and Noora woke up early and ventured out to the great wall. We woke up happy, because it was cool out, but also sad because it was smoggy. It took a while to drive there. We passed lots of trees and farms and then literally, out of nowhere a mountain appears, then more mountains. Soon after we we're driving up a mountain.
The driver dropped us off and we immediately ran to the admissions office. There were two ways to get up to the great wall
1) Walk
2) Cable Car
Well since we didn't want to walk (high five for westerners!) we opted for the one way cable car (we decided to walk back down, high five for non-american westerners!). The cable car cost about five bucks, and looked awesome. The giant picture in front of us showed a family, in awe, looking out of their glass cable car. On the super engrish pamphlet we we're given, all of the wall's attractions we're magically (and badly!) photoshopped into one place. Above the wall, people rode in the cable car, while down below other people took the slide down. Yes, the slide. I'll get to that later.
Happy with our cable car purchase we followed the signs towards our ride. When we got there, I was surprised to find that instead of a cable car, there was a ski lift. You know those dinky little ones where your feet dangle? I was seriously about to piss my pants.
Luckily when we got to the highest possible point, the trees came up near our feet. I breathed a sigh of relief and told Noora that now we wouldn't die if we fell, just be horribly mutilated.
Oh, I also forgot to mention the ever so scenic "Chinese" music that plays on the lift, only on the lift, no where else. This video will explain three things: the music, the slide and the height.
The slide you see in the video is one of the walls main attractions (according to the brochure of course). You pay about eight bucks, and get to slide back down to town on a little sheet with a stick in it. Noora looked like she was going to burst with excitement, I told her she could do it without me. I know, thats very un-me of me, but seriously, if they lied to me about the cable car, I can't even begin to imagine how much worse that slide is.
When we finally got up there, we saw a small hut in the distance, the tallest point from where we were standing, and decided we would walk there.
I'm about to show you a bunch of pictures, but honestly, being there was amazing and near indescribable. I assume it's akin to listening to the lift music for an hour. Seriously though. Most tourist attractions in large cities are man made structures. Easy example, the CN Tower. Sure, it's tall, large, penisy, but you know that 500 guys with cranes and 100 000 000 dollars were behind it. It's amazing to touch stone and know that human hands built it, to look out into the distance of sprawling road and stairs and imagine how long it took.
Here's a picture that successfully captures none of what I just described.
Hahaha, I'm a tourist!
ART
I could have walked the wall for hours and hours, if it wasn't so effing hot.
That's where these people come in:
Every 100m or so, one or two people are stationed with bananas, water, postcards, basically anything they can sell you. They have a great tactic for preying on westerners, they offer to take a photo of you. After they're your friend, they ask you if you would like to buy something, if you're thick skinned you say no and continue on. They say "Yes yes, okay friend, you come back"
and you say
"Yeah"
because really, you have to come back, or else you can't get down.
Then you come back, and of course say "No, I don't want some chips"
and then they say "What? You said you'd come back! We are friends!"
After that you're basically a human bank.
Luckily I have no heart, and continued on.
Some parts of the wall have stairs that are very warped, walking down them makes you feel like you have a severe inner ear infection. I wish I had gotten Noora to take a video of how stupid I looked walking down those stairs. At some points there are stairs that are so steep and big that you literally have to climb them.
There was also a ladder at one point.
Uh, yeah.
After we got down we visited the little market, where they sell "TWO SHIRTS, ONE DOLLAR!"
Sure, its a great deal, but really, do you need TWO shirt that say "I CLIMB GREAT WALL"?
The answer is no.
Or maybe it isn't...
I ended up buying my dad a presie.
No it wasn't two shirts.
I also learned to play Mahjong.
And by learned I mean played a westernized version on Noora's computer.
This picture has nothing to do with what I learned, I just happened to take a picture that complimented that story.
Awesome.
Soup Anyone?
I also had some pictures of a nice garden we found, I will find them later, don't know where they went.
When we got home, I was about to take a nap when one of the executives rushed into my room. She told a me a little girl was sick and needed to be rushed to the hospital, I had to go with her.
Her name is Chun. We did 100 down a highway, her in my lap while a nurse tried to put an oxygen mask on her.
The short version of the story is that I love her so very much and she is better.
I have 1000 pictures of her, but will spare all of you and only show a few.
I don't want to talk much about it now.
I miss her so much, even though I'm only in Singapore.
If I talk about her, I'll get sad.
So here's a bunch of stuff:
Hi! I am Chun!
I am scared of the hospital and hate doctors.
I cry when Gabriela goes to the bathroom, so she only goes when I'm asleep.
I got sent here because I won't eat, and have trouble breathing.
I will eat this carrot though
I like watching olympic gymnastic footage. Gabriela tried to put on Mandarin cartoons for me, but I don't like them. I also like exposes on life in Iran and Australian animal rescue programs.
Being sick makes me sleepy, and very drooly.
I am neeeeever grumpy. I wake up smiling but with messy hair.
I smile all the time, but not so much in the hospital.
I hate getting my heart checked. The doctor tried to do it to my toy duck first, to show me that I was okay, but I knew better. I screamed and grabbed it before she could hurt it anymore.
I'm probably watching that cat show for the 83240 time
I won't drink my formula, another reason why I'm in the hospital...
but I will make the nurses prepare it, then only suck on the top.
Hooray!
Gabriela bought me socks
Hooray!
At one point, I would only eat bananas
I eat a muffin, AND THE INTERNET GOES WILD!
I have 1003284324 more videos and pictures, but thats enough for now.
A little girl (5) is getting heart surgery in Singapore, so I have gone there to see her through/take her back to Beijing.
I don't like Singapore.
I realize now how stupid my blog name is (because you know, it wasn't before....)
Where the hell does singapore fit in, is it the bread?
Maybe it's the crust
p.s.
I'm sorry if my grammar is horrible
it's late here, im tired, was at hospital 10 hours
Monday, 2 June 2008
GIANT ARSE POST ON IT'S WAY
HI GUYS!
I'M IN SINGAPORE
LOTS OF CRAZY STUFF HAPPENED
DIDN'T HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO POST
WATCHED KID AT HOSPITAL
SAW GREAT WALL
NOW AM IN SINGAPORE
KID GETTING SURGERY
WILL POST EVERYTHING SOON
LOVE
I'M IN SINGAPORE
LOTS OF CRAZY STUFF HAPPENED
DIDN'T HAVE AN OPPORTUNITY TO POST
WATCHED KID AT HOSPITAL
SAW GREAT WALL
NOW AM IN SINGAPORE
KID GETTING SURGERY
WILL POST EVERYTHING SOON
LOVE
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